Awaken the Wait

We live to satisfy the senses, stimulated by the smallest amount of sensuality or comfort we take it to the extreme to fulfill that stimulation.  Desire is not enough for us so we squeeze everything we can out of our senses to make us feel better.  Unsatisfied by mystery we want to uncover every piece of each glimpse we get.  

But what if we saw false comforts for what they are, empty?  There's a comfort that comes after much anticipation and rough road, much like the gleam of gold after deep refinement.  The wait is the part that pushes us to be ready for the peace.  

God calls us to be different than the world, to go against the grain.  I believe the main pattern in that grain is instant self gratification.  "Do whatever you can to get whatever you want as fast as possible."  The greatest things in life are worth waiting.  These days we hear a lot of this message directed towards sex but what I am talking much greater than that, it is the deeper issue of dependence on God.  

Why are the seven sins so deadly?  They follow the grain, and bring a halt to our refinement. Resolutions never come instantaneously (thank God for His grace when it comes to salvation though).  The loss of a dear friend or lover comes so hard so we push it into the closet and leave it there.  Not just to forget but to numb ourselves, to callouss the moldable part of our hearts.  But it doesn't go away.  It stays and grows because we feed it with our senses.  We "forget" by drinking ourselves sick, eating until we can't eat anymore, having sex until we've collected every demon...just to hide pain that could be turned to something so beautiful.  Redemption is not owned by the act of salvation.  Redemption belongs to every part of our lives.  Let us not forget what we are living for and that each step, though uncomfortable, can we turned into something beautiful and strong.  

In Awe

How often do I stand in awe of my King?  How long has it been since my heart leaped at the thought of His presence? It has been far too long since I've leaned against His chest and felt His breath.  All the other things have gotten in my way, I've missed the glimpses of His face with the brick wall of desire and the steel doors called "lack of faith" standing in front of me.

Oh but I've glimpsed His face from down here, down at His feet.  What beauty, majesty, and strength He holds.  I cannot look for more than a moment, and in that moment my heart may burst.  But what perfection for my heart to burst as His burst for me.  Sweat and tears of blood, pain in every piece of who He is.  Yet He stayed in strength because He has called us worthy, He has named us Beloved.

He calls us to stand with Him, as His bride, His co-heir, His beloved.

When He reaches out His hand and asks us to stand, will we believe what He has called us or will we stay laying in the dirt, where we can only imagine His heart beat?  I want to know my King.  I want to lose my breath with every word He speaks.  Can you hear His whisper from the dirt?  He will pick you up, carry you, clean you, and transform you. 

My cry is for this generation of Christians to get out of the dirt, to understand the Father's heart for their life.  Just as much as they long to glimpse His face He longs to look in their eyes.  His purpose for His bride is much more than staring at His feet.

Who's Behind You?

Relationships are vital to your way of life.  If we are not intentional about surrounding ourselves with good friends who will encourage, support, challenge, and push us...then how do we expect to do the same for anyone else?

I pray God reminds us often of His intent for our friendships. 

Relationships are a life source for us, when we lack them, we lack life.  We are not the full image of God, therefore, there will always be a part of someone else that opens a door to a new part of God's heart.  Each person carries the glory of the Lord in a unique way.  My heart is to carry it in a way that allows others to carry it the way God intended, that way they can shine.

Oh Lord, never let my eyes close to your beauty in each person.  

The Ache

Some days I feel like I am torn between two different worlds, the world of organized, clean, stable living and the world of unpredictable, dirty adventure.  Both are great, both have a purpose...only one has the power over my heart to make it ache in its absence.  Part of me longs to believe they can coexist within my life, but reality is making me all too aware of their resistance to each other.  Much like oil and water, no matter how hard I try to shake them up and mix them together, they will never make a smooth mix.  But no matter which world I'm in, I have to stay aware of where the Father's heart is.  I am made for the hard, rough, dirty road...the not always comfortable or fun road...but that is what I've been made to walk on. So how do I do that when I am in Ohio? 
I don't know. 
But I don't want to lose site of who I am or forget about the babies who wait for my arms to hold them.  There is purpose for each season; to learn, to wait, to run, in this season I am seeking without relent.  I want to know my God in deeper, more intimate ways.

Home

I made it home on Friday, we had a smooth trip and made got here pretty early.  Lisa and I stayed an extra week in Connecticut to help the staff organize and get ready for an estate sale because they are selling the house we were living in.  The idea was great but it ended up being quite a long week and we were both ready to be home by the time Friday morning came around.

It's hard to believe my time there is over already.  I feel as though I just got there a week ago.  It's hard to explain how much I change with each step I take in YWAM but take my word when I say it's exponential amounts.  I feel like a new person.  This time I really think I am.  I'm not even sure how at this point, I just see my reactions and heart are different than what they were before.  God works in crazy ways that's for sure!

In the last week and a half or so I've gotten quite a bit sicker and have been noticing more and more symptoms.  Thankfully I have a doctors appointment on Monday and will be able to get started on this path to being healthy.

I'll update you all more once I get some rest.  For now, here's a picture of my best friend and I from tonight.  (We're holding energy drinks just to make sure there's no confusion there!) (Oh, and I figured out that energy drinks are another thing I need to stay away from to keep myself feeling better...I should have known!)

Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours

"Do not allow complicated scenarios create apathy."

There's something about big problems that cause us to turn apathetic.  We walk right past the man laying on the road, bruised and beaten, and say that 'someone else will come along', 'we don't know him so he's not our concern', 'his problems are greater than anything we can do', or even walk past and talk about him to our friends and family.  This is what Jesus talks about in the parable of the 'Good Samaritan' in Luke 10.

Why do we pass responsibility on to others when God calls us to give a hand to those who are in need?  I am guilty of this just as much as anyone else.  My heart is to take the steps I can right now.  To provide for those who have nothing and love those who know no love.  I do not want to be like the Levite who knew the system and assumed it would eventually take care of the man laying there and I do not want to be like the priest who did not want to be seen as unclean.  But I do long to be as the Samaritan, who was willing to risk who he is to save a man's life who he probably hated.
I long for my heart to be broken so deeply by the heart of the Father that I do not hesitate to take care of the pain I see in those around me or to stand for the injustice taking the lives of those around the world.

With the Helper moving inside of us, no problem, issue, or solution is too large for us to take on.  And no action is too small.  If we are focused on Christ and who He is, then we are going to see justice like we've never seen it before.  The dent humanity can make is absolutely nothing on the massacre Christ's blood brings to the injustice of the world.

The basic idea of this post was presented by Jim Ehrman in our class, the Forum.

Simple Joys

Well this probably sounds like a very small thing to many people but me it's a big deal.  I made cookies today and can eat them!  They're just a simple sugar cookie made with almond flour and soy oil margarine. It's exciting to have these simple little joys that I usually can't have.

We graduate from school today which is also really exciting.  I still have no idea what is between here and India in September but I know God has something on His heart for me!  I really hope everyone's having a great week and able to enjoy the simple things.