Short Update

I've gotten a few requests for an update on my life and where I'm headed.  I wish I had a definite answer for you all, I really wish I had a definite answer for myself.  Being home has been great but I am itching to do more than just work full time and "make it through life".

There seems to be another cross-road in front of me and I truly don't know which direction to choose.  God has placed some encouragement in my path the last few days and I intend to embrace it.  I just need to step out in faith.  I'm still working to pay off debt for the moment but once that is done then I will be on my way again.  I'm really praying that I know what direction God wants me to go because I want to be intentional about what I am doing.  Furthering my knowledge and experience in social justice and teaching freedom in Christ is where I want to head, it's just a matter of finding how to grow in those areas.  Faith, hope, and trust have been a roller coaster the last while but I do believe I have been growing immensely in those areas and pray I truly live them out in my life.

That is all I can say for now.  I have not given up.  I have not fallen off the earth. And I still love the broken. :)

Much love to you all.

Holding the Key

Some people call me passionate.  Some people call me reckless.  Some people say I don't think.  Some people think I'm crazy.  Some people love my adventures.  Some people hate my adventures.  Some people label me irresponsible.  Some people judge me.  Some people love me.  Some people know my humor.  Some people don't even try.  Some people call me disrespectful.  Some people try to control me.  Some people never say hi.  Some people like to hold me.  Some people always scold me.  Some people take advantage.  Some people try to be sly.  Some people accept me.  Some people love to lie.  Some people use me. Some people see right through me.  Some people truly move me.  Some people just don't know when to stop.

Life is about more than "some people".  I don't want to live for some people anymore, their expectations or their labels.  I want to live for Christ and make my decisions based on a life of holiness.  I think freedom from fear of man is knocking at my door...now only to figure out how to unlock it.

I think I have a few keys laying around, some even in my hand already.  I need to find what they are and use them to receive my prize.  Keys such as; who I live life with,  desiring holiness, living in love, never judging, etc...  There are keys to whatever box we put ourselves in, and we are the only ones who can use them.

There is action that we forget about.  Identifying what we need is great and necessary but I pray we do not stop there.  My prayer is that we would live for something that is much greater than ourselves and the usual people we try to please or disprove...there is only fear and captivity at the end of that trail.  Life should be full of laughter and peace through the ups and the downs!  It's just our choice to make it that way.  This has somehow turned into another post ending with the only phrase I know appropriate...

"Just choose it"

A Restoration of Hope

I love and hate how God just lets me go on my long tantrums over the future and what He wants for me.  He lets me make the decision to trust Him and choose HIM rather than my own desires...or even the desires of the ones I love.  My life is in HIS hands.  Today I was reminded of the calling He placed on my life.  I'm a missionary. Plain and simple. haha  For most of you who know me well, you probably think I'm crazy for even forgetting that but I let myself go.  I let being comfortable take over who I really am.  Even though being comfortable is the most uncomfortable feeling for me I felt like it was my responsibility to live a comfortable life for everyone around me...that way they're comfortable...um, when have I ever been about complacency?!  I'm over it now though and I see myself coming back, the gray fog of confusion and the false desire for a "normal" life is lifting and I am seeing what I really want.  Now what?  Trust.  That's all I need to do right now.  I've fought hard and long to get to this point and now God is saying to just trust.  "Rest in the faith I have given you," oh how I've longed to hear those words from Abba for a long, long time.  I trust my God and I am at peace to let Him be my light, let Him be my guide.  He is my everything and I am so glad to be back in this place of worship and adoration.

The book of Luke is what pushed me out of my slump today.  I am called to be a disciple of my King and adore how He waits for me, so He can run down the road with open arms.  I adore my Father, my King, my Love.

While I sat in the back room and prayed for the people coming in to receive clothes at God's Closet God spoke to me so sweetly.  He wanted to bring a restoration of hope to each person brought into that place today.  I should have seen it coming but He was talking to me.  He was restoring my hope, my faith, as He poured words of intercession into my heart.  That is my prayer for so many right now, there is a lack of hope in many people right now and I fully believe God wants to restore that to its fullest.

I feel like this post is all over the place but I'm so overwhelmed with excitement and relief that I don't know I could put it all in a neat little paragraph.

Today

This morning has been so surreal, with snow slipping to the ground like glittery dust and birds peacefully perched outside my window.  It's as if the world doesn't remember the blustery winds from yesterday or fear the blizzardy cold predicted for tomorrow.  Today the world is living for the moment.

What a theme for life right now!  Every where I turn I am reminded to live for today.  Dwelling in the past only sets me back farther and keeps my wounds open.  And to fear tomorrow is only keeping me from embracing the beauty that today can bring.  To even focus on tomorrow with expectation or incessant planning is to limit the opportunities that it holds.  I am still working on my relationship with tomorrow, some days I fear what he will bring but today we are on good terms.  Today I admire his open doors to the unknown.